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Author
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Topic: Need help training my kids!!!
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fullhouse9873
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posted December 03, 2003 01:26 AM
Help!
I am having a world of trouble with my oldest son (will be 5 in Jan). He is just plain NAUGHTY!. Yesterday - he wouldn't take his medicine (he's got a little cold). So I made him sit at the kitchen table until he took it. Well - he snuck offf - so I had to run upstairs and get him. Then I found he peed on my bedroom floor. He has this thing - he pees on the floor almost to get back at me I think. Well - I took him downstairs - spanked him - yelled a little (well a lot - I was pretty peeved). Then he had to sit on the chair until he left for school (it was about 45 min).
When Dad picked him up from the sitters - he had a long talk with him - Hunter saidhe wouldn't be naughty again, he was sorry.
Well - last night I wasn't feeling good - couldn't sleep - so I didn't set my alarm - figured the kids could wake me up in the am (I work 2nd shift). Well - I woke up to Hunter throwing cornastartch all over his room! (Who knew corn startch would stick to walls so good). He told me he forgot not to be nauhty.
I'm at my wits end. I just don't know what to do anymore. Hunter has a little bit of a disability. I don't know - not a disability - he's behind in his speech - and he is very, very shy. He does work at school wtih a speech teacher - and school is helping overall - but he's still so naughty. I just don't know what to do. I can train my dogs - but I can not get my kids to behave. Help!!!
*Oh yeah - he bit his brother too - left a big ed mark on him last night.
Posts: 247 | From: Jefferson, WI | Registered: Sep 2003
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LoriAnn
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posted December 03, 2003 05:13 AM
My youngest son who is now 8 was like that. I found he did stuff like that mostly when I was busy w/ a project or job that didn't involve him & he missed the attention. For the most part he has grown out of it, but he will still get a little mouthy when I haven't spent any one on one time wih him in a while. I now take each son out to breakfast by themselves every other Sat. just to have some uninterupted "Mommy" time. Some counseling may be necessary, if you attend church ask someone there if they don't offer it they can usually recommmend someone.
Posts: 80 | From: Indiana | Registered: Nov 2003
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Dawn
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posted December 03, 2003 05:25 PM
Not trying to imply that you have bad parenting skills, but assuming that you've not done anything weird raising him, I would get him screened for any disabilities. Those are some fairly typical first symptoms particularly of disabilities that don't show up till school age. That and the fact that he's behind in speech. Just a thought.
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2002
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fullhouse9873
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posted December 04, 2003 01:19 AM
I've wondered about him having ADHD or even autism - but he doesn't seem to fit all the characteristics all the time. Also - the program that he is in at school helps with stuff likke that. It's like a preschool for kids who are behind or have disabilities.
I guess I blame myself a lot - because he does his really naughty things first thing in the am - when I'm still sleeping. With working until midnight - then finding time to do all the chores around the house - I have a hard time getting up in the am. I think this probably has a lot to do with it.
I'm thinking about talking to his teachers about the latest problems we've been having - maybe they can offer some insight.
Posts: 247 | From: Jefferson, WI | Registered: Sep 2003
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Puellula
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posted December 04, 2003 02:18 AM
It could be that your son has just got too much energy and don't know how to use it up. Do you give him a lot of stuff with sugar and caffeine in, do you know if he is hyperactive?
Cutting down on sugar and caffeine will not have quick rise and falls of sugar in the blood levels.
Kids who are hyperactive tends to be worse when they get sugar in.
Hope you solve the problem!
Posts: 33 | Registered: Dec 2003
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LTdog
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posted December 04, 2003 04:46 AM
Well I would try some dog locks on the cornstarch and maybe a shock collar the new fad with baby sitting I hear...No reall I have add and I know lots of other kids that have adhd in my grade its not uncommon and is not a problem if you can acomadate it.then again it could just be being four just keep doing what your doing but do somethig good for him when hes good make it a regular thing but as soon as he does something bad dont do it he will eventually relize that its bad I did that for babysitting once on a simple horendous child and she now is much better and her parents are even happier!
Posts: 22 | From: Alabama | Registered: Nov 2003
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Dawn
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posted December 04, 2003 04:30 PM
It really does not sound like add or adhd to me. His behaviour is not that of a "typical" 5 year old. Is he doing all right cognitively in school? I agree that it does sound like it could possibly be some type of high functioning autism. Then again, I don't know how long you've been with this man, but it might just be his way of rebelling against that or telling you he's not happy. Definately talk to the school counselor about it though and tell them you want him screened. If there is something wrong (which there might not be), it would be much better to find it out now.
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2002
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LTdog
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posted December 04, 2003 07:47 PM
yeah autism sounds possible too but usually they have problems with people dont they like communicating I go to the autistic child center twice a month for communtity service hours and it took them about 6 months with frequent visits to warm up to me.Ill do a little research and find out whatever it is im sure it wont be a major problem even highly autistic people can get jobs and can function reasonably normal. And veiws on it have changed drastically. Just dont give up!
Posts: 22 | From: Alabama | Registered: Nov 2003
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Dawn
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posted December 04, 2003 08:25 PM
Well, there are many types of autism. A lot are non-verbal for the most part, but some aren't. Some are extra sensitive to different things such as touch, hearing, light, some aren't. It really depends on the child and what type they have.
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2002
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fullhouse9873
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posted December 05, 2003 02:08 AM
We don't give him any caffeine - and his sugar levels are monitored very closely (sugar and caffeine are like liquie=d cocaine for him - he goes nuts)
My husband and I have been together since he was a year old - so I don't think that's the problem. (He doesn't know his biological dad - in fact - we just tell him that my husband is his dad).
He is very shy around strangers - generally will not talk to them. He even has a hard time talking to meif there's a stranger around.
He does good in school - he's extremely bright. He understands everything you tell him- and he follows directions very well (as long as it's somehting he wants to do).
Didn't get a chance to talk to the teachers today. The baby had me up until 4:30 - woke up this morning to the sound of a chainsaw outside my bedroom window at 7am. They finally cut down the tree in front of my house - they've been going to do it for a year. Anyways - I don't think I was even awake all day today - until after baby and I took an afternoon nap. There's no school on Fridays either - so I think I'll either give them a call tomorrow (the teachers are in) - or else talk to them on Monday.
Thank you everyone - it is so nice to just get this load off my chest. I feel like I'm constantly blaming myself for all his problems. I don't get up early enough with him, don't keep a close enough eye on him, maybe I spend too much time with the baby - I don't know - I can think of every excuse in the book for his behavior - but I really don't think it has anything to do with all that stuff.
Thanks again - but I'd better get going before I have another sleepless day! (Thursday nights are my night - the girls and I go out after work - my one time during the week to relax and be an adult=!)
Posts: 247 | From: Jefferson, WI | Registered: Sep 2003
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Dawn
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posted December 05, 2003 08:06 AM
Has his behavior changed noticably after the baby? That's a thought.
Anyway, your last description really sounded like autism. I don't know how much you know about it, but it's really not like you're probably thinking. The key is finding their gift. So yes, talk to his teachers when you get a chance. Until then, spend as much quality time with him as possible.
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2002
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KiKi
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posted December 05, 2003 08:20 AM
You know, this is a tough one. Trying to find the fine line between having a child that is willfully being disobedient; or having a problem that may be caused from a disability. Sometimes we know so much or so little about our kids. My daughter always knew how to push my 'hot buttons'. Even from the bottle she was a challenge! Why not try going through the process of elimination? A phone call to your pediatrician may be in order to discuss some of the problems your having. You may find he does have a physical problem. Some children have allergies that cause very strange behavior; especially food allergies. Or, maybe he is trying you. I read a book years ago that helped me with my daughter. The title is "The Strong- Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. He is a very good resourse and he addresses both physical and emotional issues in his book. Either way, you sound like you need some good support. My children are now 20 & 25 and I'd like to say that the problems go away... However, that's a whole different post! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posts: 18 | From: Aliquippa, PA | Registered: Oct 2003
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fullhouse9873
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posted January 15, 2004 01:20 AM
Well - I've got good news. I had Hunter checked out by his dr - she said that he's perfectly normal - there's no health problems causing his behavior. Our next visit is now to a psychiatrist to see if he can help. Also our school district has a new position. It's a special needs parent liaison - she here to help parents find out about programs offered for special needs kids and their parents. The first meeting is Feb 3rd - I'm excited about getting the chance to talk to her - and other parents. Also - my husband and I signed up for a parenting/discipline class offered at our local hsopital. I'm hoping thiss will be able to shed some light on some things.
Hunter has been behaving better though. I think Christmas made him behave a little better (we threatened him with Santa) - and he's got his birthday coming up at the end of this month. I can't believe he's going to be 5 - time flies when you have kids!
Posts: 247 | From: Jefferson, WI | Registered: Sep 2003
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Dawn
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posted January 15, 2004 09:18 AM
That's great news! Now you can concentrate on getting him back in line lol. Another thought about Christmas. He was probably around you more, it can make a big difference.
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2002
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Lady_Bug
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posted January 15, 2004 11:03 AM
Heres the key I've found in childraising. Find the thing that they treasure the most...when my bro and I were little it was videos and tv...and take it away from them for a day when they do something bad. If they nag about getting it back take it away for 2 days. If they do something bad again add another day. If its REALLY bad take it away for a week.
Trust me...this works. If he is really resiliant (sp?) and says he doesnt care and keeps doing things..eventually he will when you keep adding days on. If he still doesnt care then you havent found the thing he treasures enough...find something else to take away.
My mother did this with us...we were very well behaved little kids lol. My mom was a toughie lol.
Goodluck with it! Sounds like you've got your work cut out for ya!
Posts: 17 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2004
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